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#11 sarahricks

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 12:49 PM

K question for you all. When is a good time to start doing time out? When do you think they understand it, and it is effective.
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#12 Southerner79

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 07:30 AM

I guess I am going to be the opposite. My parents spanked my brother and I and we turned out ok for the most part and when we did we didn't do it again. So it can be used effective. There is a line of spanking and abuse you just got to make sure you don't go over that line. When we threatened to call DSS my parents would be like go ahead but you will never see us again. Course kids these days though spanking doesn't do any good anymore take away something they love like TV ,comp,ipod ,cell and its like the end of the their world.
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#13 bshipqueen

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 12:38 PM

View Postsarahricks, on Nov 14 2008, 12:49 PM, said:

K question for you all. When is a good time to start doing time out? When do you think they understand it, and it is effective.


My son is 2 1/2.  He doesn't have time outs yet except for a couple times when he went into the play pen to give mommy a time out.  He's too big for the play pen, and I'm surprised he didn't figure out that he can climb out of it, but luckily, it worked for me those occasions when I needed a couple minutes to breathe.

However, he is ALWAYS praised for his good behavior, and not just praised, but over praised.  Anything he does that is good, we make a huge deal out of it.  He loves the attention.  And, depending on what it is that he has done that is good, I make sure to add words to teach him why it was good like helping, sharing, or I simply say that he did what he was told.

So, when he misbehaves, the word "bad" is all it takes.  For example, if he throws a toy at my daughter.  I say don't throw; throwing your toys is bad.  He immediately knows he did something wrong.  He will go to my daughter and ask for her boo-boo to kiss.  He will then sit down next to her calmly for several minutes before getting up to play again.  The toy or whatever it was that was involved in the bad behavior gets put up which is upsetting to him at the moment.  He forgets all about in a matter of minutes, so when he does go to play again, he gets something else.  We've been trying to teach him to say I'm sorry.  He can't say it yet, but we're working on it.    

I think that it would be hard to put an age on time outs because all kids develop differently.  For some kids, time outs could start as young as say 18 months, but for others 3 years old might be better.

Edited by bshipqueen, 15 November 2008 - 12:39 PM.


#14 Laura

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 01:34 PM

View Postbshipqueen, on Nov 15 2008, 12:38 PM, said:

View Postsarahricks, on Nov 14 2008, 12:49 PM, said:

K question for you all. When is a good time to start doing time out? When do you think they understand it, and it is effective.


My son is 2 1/2.  He doesn't have time outs yet except for a couple times when he went into the play pen to give mommy a time out.  He's too big for the play pen, and I'm surprised he didn't figure out that he can climb out of it, but luckily, it worked for me those occasions when I needed a couple minutes to breathe.

However, he is ALWAYS praised for his good behavior, and not just praised, but over praised.  Anything he does that is good, we make a huge deal out of it.  He loves the attention.  And, depending on what it is that he has done that is good, I make sure to add words to teach him why it was good like helping, sharing, or I simply say that he did what he was told.

So, when he misbehaves, the word "bad" is all it takes.  For example, if he throws a toy at my daughter.  I say don't throw; throwing your toys is bad.  He immediately knows he did something wrong.  He will go to my daughter and ask for her boo-boo to kiss.  He will then sit down next to her calmly for several minutes before getting up to play again.  The toy or whatever it was that was involved in the bad behavior gets put up which is upsetting to him at the moment.  He forgets all about in a matter of minutes, so when he does go to play again, he gets something else.  We've been trying to teach him to say I'm sorry.  He can't say it yet, but we're working on it.    

I think that it would be hard to put an age on time outs because all kids develop differently.  For some kids, time outs could start as young as say 18 months, but for others 3 years old might be better.


Just to add....

I'm not sure what the rule is, but I know that some people recommend that the number of minutes in time-out should be equal to the number of years in the child's age. So 5-year-olds should receive 5-minute time-outs, or 7-year-olds should be in time-out for 7 minutes. I'm not sure what age that goes up to though. I'm 26- I'm not sure if 26 minutes in time-out would be enough for me... ;).
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#15 willjaysmom

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 01:40 PM

My son just turned 2 in September and if he's bad, he gets a warning and if he does the same thing again (which he usually does because he thinks it's funny), he gets a short time out. Usually after the time out he says sorry and is usually pretty good. My 5 year old is usually in time out for a while because he throws a fit, even though he knows that his time doesn't start until he's quiet. After he's done with his fit, he sits there for 5 minutes. Then he has to explain to me why he was in trouble and what he can do to make sure it doesn't happen again.

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#16 bshipqueen

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 03:07 PM

View PostLaura, on Nov 15 2008, 01:34 PM, said:

Just to add....

I'm not sure what the rule is, but I know that some people recommend that the number of minutes in time-out should be equal to the number of years in the child's age. So 5-year-olds should receive 5-minute time-outs, or 7-year-olds should be in time-out for 7 minutes. I'm not sure what age that goes up to though. I'm 26- I'm not sure if 26 minutes in time-out would be enough for me... ;).

My son's pediatrician said it should be the age plus 1.  So, a five year old would get a 6 minute time out.  Of course, I'm sure every expert in the field has a different opinion on it.

#17 Hawkeye

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 06:58 PM

Spare the rod and spoil the child!
My two children (profile) were never ever spanked and they turned out just perfect.
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#18 bshipqueen

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 10:06 PM

I wanted to add that I was spanked as a child.  I turned out relatively sane.  LOL

I think that trying to spank a 10 year old is pointless.  In order for the spanking to have effect, you have to use a lot of force.  That's where the problem comes in which is there is a big difference between spanking and beating.  As for the younger kids that a slight pat on the butt which amounts to no more that a light tap is very effective (like in my case growing up).  It's much more psychological than than physical.  I don't judge parents who use this technique.

But parents who do use spanking as a form of discipline should have alternative punishments fairly early on.  Spanking only has a psychological effect for so long.  At which point, in order for a spanking to be able to continue to be punishment, the parent has to start using more and more force.  That's how spankings turn into beatings.

I knew a girl who would pinch her kids if they misbehaved in public.  Walking through a store, a child would do something wrong then start bawling.  No one would witness the pinch, but it happened.  To me, that is much worse than a light pat on the butt that's covered with a diaper or pull up to begin with.  I believe she did this because she couldn't spank in public, but a pinch is mean and is not teaching a child anything without the verbal explanation of what was done and why it is wrong to accompany it.  In that child's mind, her mom hurt her plain and simple.

Edited by bshipqueen, 15 November 2008 - 10:07 PM.


#19 OrnellaMoran

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Posted 16 November 2008 - 09:04 PM

I would only use spanking as a last resort.
Im more into the positive re inforcement :)
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#20 Mistybabe

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Posted 30 December 2008 - 02:49 AM

In my opinion spanking is only effective for a very short period of time.

I've "slapped" my kids hands for sticking their fingers in sockets.. etc. As far as spanking on the bottom... rarely. I think Caitlin might have gotten it once.. jeff once... sarah NEVER...emily NEVER.. kira twice!

Mine are now at ages where confiscating the comp/cell/ipod/ps2/xbox/phone..tv  etc... is more effective.
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